Dear Abby: What do you say when you will visit a relatively not so close to who is dying? I have a thesis that has been diagnosed with cancer in the late phase and recently went to Hospice. It can have one to four months to live. I spent time around her during family functions when I was younger, but I didn’t see it at least in a decade now, though we live in the same city.
I am good at doing small conversations in normal circumstances and know how to write nice birthday cards and such, but what do you say to someone who is dying with whom you haven’t talked for a long time? You can’t ask, “How have you been?” Or treat them as it is the last time you will see them. I would like to visit it before it passed, but I am at a loss for the words. Please help. – clumsy nephew in idaho
Dear nephew: A lot depends on your condition is relatively when you visit. Keep in mind, she may have some things she would like to tell you. That said, some things you can convey:
“Thank you for seeing me. Thank you For this. I won’t stay long because I don’t want you to lose your energy but you need to know that I love you and always will. “
Understand that your presence there is as important as anything you can say to her. Remember that if you are stuck for words.
Dear Abby: I’ve been with my husband for 40 years. As in all marriages, we have had landing -our ravages, but lately I can hardly not stand to be around him. He has been deceived twice, and he gets angry when I try to warn them that they are fraud. We have shared bank accounts, and I have made him start giving me the money for his share of family bills when he is paid, so he does not blow them. Now if I ask him where he spends his money, he ignores me.
Last night, he asked me what I had bought from a specific place. I asked him why I had to tell him because he doesn’t tell me where he spends money. He said, “Because you are my wife and I love you.” When I asked him why the opposite does not seem to be implemented, he, of course, did not say anything.
Later, he asked if I was crazy and I told him I was more hurt than crazy. He said nothing the rest of the night and today he acts like every other day. I don’t know what to do anymore. Do you have any advice? – Irritable woman in Iowa
Dear woman: I bet you do. If I have ever heard of a couple who need marriage counseling, they are both. Marriage and family therapists often hear about this kind of thing. Ask your doctor to refer you to someone licensed and qualified to help you and your husband for this harsh patch.
Dear Reader: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this commemorative day, I add to my prayer of thanksgiving to those brave men and women who have sacrificed their lives in the service of our country. Let them rest in peace. – Love, Abby
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or Yes Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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