Dear Abby: We have recently suffered the loss of our first nephew. She was only 24 years old and got very quickly. My partner and I are working through our grief, which is challenging as we are in different stages. He also struggles with numerous mental health issues. They make things even harder, as I need to help it through some explosions while I am feeling oppressed by this tragedy. Counseling is likely to happen in the near future.
My willing is now that my daughter and I have chosen to get memorial jewelry. In my case, it will be a small rain pendant that will hold some of my niece ashes. I told my partner that I was doing this, as surprises do not go well with him and it is better to give him a lot of warning. He is now worried that if I wear the necklace, he will continue to remember him about the loss.
I want to keep my niece as close as I can. I’m not sure I can compromise about it, without wearing it only when he is not around. But he is retired, and I mainly work from home, so he is around all the time. I don’t want to constantly bother her by remembering it, so I’m in the loss. Anydo advice would be highly appreciated. – Memory in Canada
Dear Remembering: Please accept my sympathy for the premature loss of your granddaughter. Clearly, you are dealing with many now. The fact that your partner suffers from mental illness only adds to it. That you want to keep a part of your granddaughter close to you is understandable. However, if you see you wear rain pendants it would return it, consider to do it, but not wear it until it is further along the grief process. I hope he gets his very necessary counseling soon.
Dear Abby: I have many reasons not to trust my husband. We are together going in six years, married for 3 1/2 of them. I have recently discovered that he taught his ex-girlfriend to wish her “Happy Birthday”. When I asked him why, he said he has always done so. I don’t understand the need. They do not maintain other contacts with what I know. He never wipes old messages, so there is usually a path and there is really no with it.
He became angry with me (as usual) and could not understand my point of view. I also know that he has consulted with a lawyer in recent months to ask how our things would be divided into a divorce case. Should I worry? Isn’t it disrespectful for him to write his ex? – Conflicted in Maine
Dear Conflicted: You are focused on the wrong problem. Instead of fighting with your husband because he sent to an ex -loving birthday wishes, you must be Hyper-Controlled why he has been consulting with a divorce lawyer. (!
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or Yes Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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